Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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