She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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