if i can run in heels then i can drive
just tell him i said nine months
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize