She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
