Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
