I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
PANTIES FOUND
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
