you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
