her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
