i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
