Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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