Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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