I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We need to get me chipped asap
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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