Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize