You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize