Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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