no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
