Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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