WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
