Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
