I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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