um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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