I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
