It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
