So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize