i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
