Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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