She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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