our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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