Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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