bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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