im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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