I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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