And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
