I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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