Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
