just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize