i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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