I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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