But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
