im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
