Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize