dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
