So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
