we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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