"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
