No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
