How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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