She is in my trunk
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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