I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it because I queefed?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
