I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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