OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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