If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
