I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You are a genius and a whore.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
