Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
