So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
