Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
