Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
