I want to have your abortion
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
