Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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