Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
