I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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