I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
