Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
