READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My vagina is officially offended.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
