The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
