I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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