i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
