Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
