just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
