My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize