Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
