$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
