Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
