did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
