..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize