I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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