the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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