I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
