My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
