I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
