Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
