He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
