she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
