the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
