the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
