you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you inspire me to be a worse person
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
