There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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