They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
