Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
