I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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