There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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