dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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