I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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