My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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