Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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