I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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