I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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