the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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