Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
