this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
