Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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