u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
