No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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